Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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