I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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