Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
