you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize