Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
