Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
if only i could text you this smell
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
