new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
