I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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