I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
