Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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