the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
