about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
