i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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