dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
