Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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