We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When are your genitals available?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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