do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
