I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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