dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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