I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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