Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
