Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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