How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
