I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize