My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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