my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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