Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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