God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
