its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
