The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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