he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
