u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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