lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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