I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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