We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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