All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Be still, my beating vagina.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
