90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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