Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
