you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
