I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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