i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
