3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
