Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am in a vortex of obligation.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
