perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
