If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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