i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
