dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
