All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
