k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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