Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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