Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
