So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
