Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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