Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
