she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
