census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
