His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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