Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
