If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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