He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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