i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just googled if crying burns calories
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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