i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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