why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
