I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
