Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
