I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
