happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
