if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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