That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
