I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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