sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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