Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
