I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
