You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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