Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
