Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
