I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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