If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
