Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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