I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
