Kiss
Puke
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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